It's been a difficult year, as well as a rewarding one so far. The Hubster got promoted, which is financially great, but has involved some loooooong working hours. As a result, I do absolutely all the stuff around the house and all the Witchlet wrangling so it's been almost impossible to get Witchly Business done.
Whilst scraping squished raisons off the laminate floor a couple of weeks ago, I was internally bemoaning the lack of time for my witchcraft, cursing the amount of housework I was doing, the little sleep I was getting, and generally bitching the fuck out of my life. I mean, let's face it, I can't get really stuck into any proper workings without being interrupted by either one or both witchlets. I have been one frustrated, can't-get-down-to-business witch. Witchlets are wonderful, joyful, but really put the stops on when you can do stuff (and yes, that goes for sex as well - I really miss being able to yell my head off/have sex any time in the weekend/sleep naked etc etc).
I stuck my head down on my knees, wailed "Why me?" and had a bit of a tearful cry-fest. And that's when I heard it. "Wax on, wax off."
It took me a while to work it out, to be perfectly honest. But what I THINK I was being told was that this life, this hard-graft, time-consuming, wonderful, frustrating, marvellous, bloody exhausting life - THIS is my path of service right now. This is where I need to be. My husband needs me to pick up all the housework jobs so he can work those fourteen hours a day. My witchlets need me, full stop, because they are just babes. I'm needed right here, right now, and it's up to me to find the spirituality in this job of motherhood and marriage that I do every day. It was time to give up the resentment, let go of thinking that I couldn't be witch and mother and wife all in one go. It was a bit of a revelation.
Life has become easier. I don't find the constant doing and re-doing of housework soul-destroying. I smile more (noticed by my son, who says he likes his smiley Mummy much better) and laugh often. And somehow, I am getting more time open up to do some of those Witchly Things I've been wanting to do all year. I've found time to organise my dried herbs, and my bureau, to make rosewater, Solar Oil and Lunar Oil, cleanse my crystals, sage smudge my kitchen, catch up on blogs to read and even (gasp) write in my own. I've been a witch for twenty years, yet I still have to learn these lessons the hard way because I'm too bloody-minded to take the path laid out for me.